Lacking in Christmas Spirit

You can't say I'm not trying- the Christmas music plays, pine-scented candles burn (to make up for our fake tree's lack of scent), and I'm drinking a hot chai tea.  All the elements are there, but I'm just not feelin' it.  "It" being that warm, endorphin-filled holiday rush that I usually feel.  Being a psych major and a sorta reflective person, I just can't stop thinking about WHY this is happening.  After analyzing a little bit, here's my conclusion. (Sadly, I think this list reveals how superficial my "Christmas Spirit" has been in past years.)

1.  The Baby-  Every day is a whirlwind of feeding, nursing, cooking, and changing, and there hasn't been much time to veg out in front of "Elf", window shop, or bake Christmas cookies.  This is a pathetic excuse, since I know mommy's of 4 kids who do all this stuff, and much more.  I guess I'm just a wuss!

• then I realize, shouldn't having a baby fill me with even more Christmas spirit as I think about the story of baby Jesus, come to save sinners like me?  How helpless and innocent He was, yet filled with the power and glory of God?  Whoa, that's pretty crazy.

2.  Our Super Strict Budget-  which prevents me from enjoying all those little holiday splurges, like buying myself a new scarf and sparkly red nail polish just because, purchasing special ornaments for the tree, stopping by Coffee Bean for a daily dose of liquid sugar (aka Winter Dream Tea lattes).  I'm also being less extravagant with gifts, and that's no fun.

• then I realize, this gives me an excuse to be creative and resourceful with my splurges- make my own tea lattes, craft my own decor and gifts, and just borrow cute Winter clothes and nail polish from my rich friends (not really kidding here.)  And I just need to remember Chico and the goal. 

3.  The Paleo Diet- Christmas is all about the food, right?  Baked goods, peanut brittle, fudge, yummmm.  And although I'm no perfectionist when it comes to this diet, I can't go buck wild on this stuff without feeling really guilty and physically ill.  Yes, that's one things about the Paleo diet- my sugar tolerance has gone way down and my stomach immediately starts to cramp up if I eat a cupcake.   

• then I realize, there's nothing wrong with REAL FOOD.  How cool would it be to come up with healthy holiday treats that I can make every year?  I sometimes feel sorry for how "treat deprived" Siena is, but really she has no idea what she's missing and she loves absolutely everything under the sun, including beef hearts and cod liver oil. 

I guess Christmas has a deeper meaning beyond treats and sparkles and Tim Allen movies.  I always knew that, but I'm just now starting to get it.  Even if I'm not "feelin' it", it doesn't change what objectively happened that Christmas day long ago. Christ was sent to Earth as the long-awaited Savior, born to die for our sins.  This truth isn't warm and fuzzy, but it does fill my heart with true joy. The two don't always go hand in hand.

waiting for our friend to walk down the aisle